A few things have reminded me of how much I dislike authority. I won’t bore you with that (eh, I probably will….but later), but I will just rant about it.
I hate being told what to do. I’m always good with authority (teachers, coaches, bosses), and they’ve always taken well to me, but inside my blood boils when I get told what to do and because they told me to do it, I just don’t want to do it. Raising me must have been difficult for my parents because of how stubborn I can be. On top of that, I really hate when I make a decision that I want to do something and being told I can’t when there’s no logical reason otherwise. I’m a fucking adult and I want to make adult decisions and deal with the consequences. I have a friend who has to get every little purchase cleared by their spouse, and that doesn’t sit well for me. Especially in a situation where they’re each pulling in roughly the same amount of income. This is partly why I like being where I am right now. I fucking hate having a work boss, a home boss, any boss really. Right now I’m in a pretty good place so I thought I would compare types of bosses I’ve experienced.
Work boss: Before I became a team leader the boss gets all the credit unless you force your way into the visibility (which I did). I prefer to own my accomplishments, thank you very much. This made me hate the boss at times, and correspondingly, the job. And then having the boss check up on progress-I hated that. Eventually, I became a group leader and got a lot more freedom, but then there was another boss. And I hated taking orders from that one, too. I’m so grateful that I have pseudo-bosses right now that leave me the fuck alone. I like being able to show up when I want, leave when I want, direct projects how I see fit and screw off for a whole day if I want to…not that I ever do….mostly.
Home boss: A couple years ago I was in a complicated relationship. I hated being scolded for spending money the way I wanted (I was the breadwinner) and spending my time as I wanted. I’m a grown-up (mostly) and I wanted to make grown-up decisions. And then having someone so clingy around me didn’t sit well either. I liken it to having a boss that’s constantly hovering around you like at work. My current SO and I are very attached, but we understand having space and being our own person.
Parent (kind-of boss): I have one parent alive still, but they each had a very different parenting style when I was growing up. They were both hyper-demanding of me academically and extracurricularly, however, one pushed me on the day-to-day and the other just waited for periodic reports. After a while, they both stopped their nagging entirely because I was doing well. But the pressure was still severe. When I have a kid, I would hope that I would be somewhere between pushy and supportive. But I have no idea. My parents’ styles definitely put me on rough footing with them, which continues to today.
Coach: This was one of the few bosses I actually took too. I hated running laps or doing certain tedious activities, but I realized pretty early on that all of it was helpful. I’m cool with coaches.
From a being-the-boss perspective, I feel I’m pretty relaxed. I let people do what they want, and just keep them guided in the proper direction. This seems to work and it seems people like me, but we’ll see. Overall, I just hate being told what to do, and I prefer controlling my actions (proof I’m not a robot). I only hope that I don’t appear as overbearing as the bosses I’ve had.