You should…

I don’t do well when I get told what to do.  There’s this statement ‘you should…’ that gets under my skin for some reason.  If I had a rough moment and someone says, “you should take the afternoon off.”, or “you should come get drinks with me.”  Or even if the person says, “you should look at teaching less”, or “you should tell that collaborator to fuck off” it just sits the wrong way.  Like I feel like they’re telling me they know what’s best for me.  I don’t know why I hate it so much.  Honestly, people are probably just giving me unsolicited advice, and I should be grateful they care enough to give me the advice, but I don’t feel grateful.  I really fucking hate it.  This probably has this deep-seeded psychological basis in the fact that there was a lot of pressure on me as a youth from my parents, but honestly, I don’t care.

When I was in industry I had a reputation for selectively following orders and being difficult to wrangle, which definitely hurt me professionally.  And I definitely ended more than one relationship when mansplaining goes on.  Often if someone tells me I should do something, I don’t do it just because I’ve been told I should do it.  I wish I could just follow along and when someone says I should do it, I just do it, but it’s ingrained in my DNA to despise being told what to do.  I think I associate the word ‘should’ with them telling me that they know me better than I know me.  If I really should do something then shouldn’t I know already?  I kind of associate it with nagging, which I’ve never been good at being on the receiving end of.

There have been times I’m okay with it, when the person has really valid points: like my former adviser when talking grants, or an old boss when balancing budgets, but I really can’t stand it.  Maybe I’m just really hard-headed.  The hermit-life is looking more and more appealing every day.


Or should I say, litterassholes.

I love nature.  And I live in a usually clean city, but today I’m driving behind someone and I see them make a turn then throw a fucking fast food trash bag out the window.  Now, maybe someone put a grenade or mean rabies-infected animal in it, and that would maybe warrant throwing it out of the window for your dear life, but even then I’m on the fence.  So, being the passive aggressive person I am, I drive up to see what kind of asshole would do that.  A student-that’s who.  Not mine, per se, but definitely a student at my school.  Now, maybe I’m crotchety older person, but I can’t imagine that even young me would be okay with this.  I missed out on my calling of being a Planeteer.

This got me thinking about kids on campus, in general.  They are a little stuck-up.  And they definitely think the world revolves around them and they don’t have to be considerate (like not littering).  I wonder if there’s something I can do.  Ultimately, they are the customer so I can’t (shouldn’t) berate them, and I’m not the most physically imposing person, though I do have a mean bark.  Have students always been like this, and I was just oblivious because I was one of them, or have they become bigger assholes?  Are all campuses like this?  I guess I’ll never know, and I don’t think there’s much I will be able to.  Bark.

Riting Erors

My first language wasn’t English, but I learned it very early on and most people can’t tell that it wasn’t my first language since I have a flawless and wonderful American accent.  But writing on the other hand…it’s a bitch.  I am great at getting my thoughts to paper/NAND, but not so great at missing typos and grammatical issues.  It take many many reads for me to find nearly everything.  And by nearly, I mean nearly.  I still miss a bunch.  For instance, I’ll post something here thinking I did a good job editing then I’ll notice a typo in the very first sentence of the published post.  This happens all the time: emails, grants, reports, publications, text messages, etc. and I don’t know how to get better.  Practicing helps, but not as much as I thought it would.

This is where editors come in.  I have a few trusted people that I have read important things so they pick up typos really easily, but I wish there was a way for me to get better at this stuff.  I aced college English classes, but honestly they were so easy they were jokes, so clearly that wasn’t the way to learn.  I am getting better at grant apps and manuscripts because I have lots of editors, but for this blog and my emails there’s no white light.  Just lost of topys.

Boredom Business

I’m teaching a really cool graduate level course.  I get to use a lot of my background and teach students things they definitely wouldn’t have learned in school otherwise.  It’s ‘applied’, as they say.  This post isn’t about that though.  It’s a difficult course, which means students are coming to my office more frequently, which means I end up doing small talk because that’s the person I am.  Four of the 12 students are from the same lab.  So they end up working together and correspondingly, coming to my office together.  This is where things get weird: they complain about their adviser.  A lot.  This is an older full professor with multiple big grants under his belt and kind of a dickhead attitude, so I’m not surprised there’s complaining.  And he seems to be able to recruit really good students even though word is out on how bad he is.  Now they have a few of the typical complaints: cheapness, work hours, output demands, demeaning attitude, selfishness, lack of direction, etc.  But the one interesting one I heard was his boredom business.

Apparently, when he gets bored he comes down to the lab and grad students offices and starts micromanaging them.  When it’s heavy grant season or he has something person taking up his time he is only seen periodically.  And when he’s micromanaging he gets them all turned around on their projects; wanting to try random things for no reason.  This is what I told them:

In my first ‘real’ job I had a manager like this.  Everyone could tell when he had less to do because he would ‘invent’ problems that needed to be solved.  We would all be doing our thing and he would come out and mess everything up.  So we all got really good at arguing against the bad ideas and managing our manager.  This is a great opportunity to learn how to set up boundaries without fear of being fired.  I mentioned that he ultimately gets the final say, but there are ways to argue into getting your way if your way is actually the correct way.  I mentioned to not take in all the orders and information, but treat these impromptu boredom visits into conversations starters.

It’s easy to complain and begrudgingly move in whatever direction leadership wants, but they’re not always right, and this is a great opportunity to learn how to handle the inevitably difficult people everyone has in their professional lives.  That being said, to bored people in leadership/advising/whatever: get a hobby.